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Twilight Mom’s Family Heirlooms

Backstory: My mom is obsessed with Twilight and is going to see the midnight show…she was telling her Bible study group about it.

Rob’s girlfriend has only seen Twilight and was telling me that Rob thinks the movies are evil…get over it!!!  She was asking me if I had read the books and I told her I had.  Then she asked if I owned them, which I confirmed.  When she told me that maybe she would borrow them I nearly passed out.  I DON’T THINK SO!  Sorry, but the only person I would lend them to is you.  They’re family heirlooms for crying out loud!

Twilight: A Critique

Backstory: I was telling my mom that I need to go see her in FL…..and apparently she thinks I wrote the twilight series….

Correct me if I am wrong, But I don’t remember extending an invitation to you.
As long as I am writing I have a bitch to make.  I am half way through the second book of the twilight series and was really kind of enjoying them UNTIL her first boyfriend was a vampire and now her second one is a werewolf.  I can’t wait til the third book.  I figure she will hook up with the mummy or frankenstein or superman or a transexual midget or an alien or who knows what.  I am not convinced that I will continue through to the end of this one so I think probably the third one is out of the picture.  I went to go to the beach and found out the road was closed because of the bridge.  It is the first warm sunny day in a long time and I am pissed.  Oh well.
Enough rambling
Love you lots and lots
mom

Try Not to Yawn In His Face

Backstory: I have a job interview with a company that has the word Ivy (not plant related) in the title, and my mother so generously offered her advice and other misc thoughts in 3 immediate text messages.

Mom: Cool. i like ivy. Tell him your mother has it all over her house and yard! Just lookin’ for an edge here.

Mom: Practice looking interested in front of the mirror. Try not to yawn in his face. Avoid picking your nose and hocking loogies. Go ahead and wear a clean shirt.

Mom: I watched Twilight last nt as I swtched betw olympics. Bad hair on Edward. Funny but it’s the same bad hair I saw on him the first time. Amazing.

A Very Important Question

Mom: Mo?
Me: Mom, I can’t talk right now. I’m working.
Mom: No no no it’ll just take a minute.
Me:
Mom: I’m Team Edward. What’s the other team?
Me: *sigh* Team Jacob.
Mom: Okay, that’s the team your father’s on. go bye i love you.

Twilight Soundtrack Excitement

Oooh!  Guess what!  Death Cab for Cutie is on the new Twilight soundtrack!  Be still my bleeding neck!

OFFICIALLY OBSESSED WITH TWILIGHT!

HELLO HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND? I THINK I AM OFFICIALLY OBSESSED WITH TWILIGHT! I WAS AT THE GROCERY STORE YESTERDAY AND THE NEW PEOPLE MAGAZINE “NEW MOON” EDITION HAS JUST COME OUT. I BOUGHT IT, I DIDN’T EVEN LOOK AT THE PRICE, and IT COULD HAVE COST $100.00 DOLLARS, I DIDN’T CARE. IT ACTUALLY ONLY COST $4.99. BUT I DIDN’T EVEN GET OUT OF THE PARKING LOT BEFORE I READ HALF THE MAG.

How Gorg Is He?

i forgot to tell you-i watched TWIGHLIGHT on the plane-i cried…..i LOVED him (what’s his name)? oy-vey what a great story…..how gorg is he?

i want him. who doesn’t.

what did you think about idol???

love, mom



Love, Mom