Best Mother’s Day Ever.

Me: Are you going to be here for Mother’s Day? I think we were wanting to take you and MawMaw to dinner or something of the sort.
Mom: YES
wow… do I have to pay??
Me: Lol… No you won’t have to pay! McDonalds it is! Wear your Sunday’s best!!
Mom: I was thinking Jack in the crack… 2 tacos .99
Me: Lol oh now mother… I can spend more than .99… hell I may even let you order a value meal!!!
Mom: oh my gosh.. that sounds awesome… not sure what I have done to be treated w/ royalty… but I am a lucky mother….
Me: Oh you are the best mother I have ever had!! You deserve this day to be papered!
Mom: papered… like weed??

Posted on 05.10.2009 at 1:30 pm// Tagged: , , ,

A Gentle Reminder

Just wanted to remind you that Sat. at 6:00PM is the Kentucky Derby and it’s a great excuse to drink… I’m planning on making Mint Juleps for any neighbors that are available. We bought Kentucky Bourbon for the event.
Love,
MOM

Posted on 05.02.2009 at 11:30 am// Tagged: , ,

Bad Girls, Bad Girls, Whacha Gonna Do

Mom: So Judi is coming this Friday and staying for the whole week before your sister’s wedding!
Me: Oh, you girls are gonna have so much fun!
Mom: Yes. Don’t watch Cops.

Posted on 04.16.2009 at 11:30 am// Tagged: , ,

Lay Off Buster’s Stash

Hi- just got back from the vet. He feels after asking a few more questions that the valium is better for Buster because you can give it to him as needed. He is calling it in to CVS Yeah! I will call him next week to update and as-long as we are good that will be it- Remember the valium is Buster’s – love Mom

Posted on 04.09.2009 at 1:30 pm// Tagged: , ,

Disapproval and Green Beer

saw your St. Pat’s Day photos on Facebook – looks like you had a good time – not that i approve of any of the things you were doing :-)

Posted on 03.18.2009 at 1:30 pm// Tagged: ,

Mom’s Street Cred

Me: P [my boyfriend]‘s sorry he didn’t make it to breakfast.
Mom: He’s a boy. I understand if he was hungover.
Me: Ugh, crazy lady, he actually had the flu. This wasn’t drunk vomit.
Mom: Don’t lie to your mother. I’ve been there.
Me: ENOUGH.
Mom: I did coke with the band America!

Posted on 03.07.2009 at 12:50 pm// Tagged: ,

God AND Santa are Watching

Backstory: my friend and I went up to visit some of our friends at college about 2 hours away. My mother and I have a very honest relationship and she is NOT at all naive to the things my friends and I do…

Me: Hey sorry i just missed ur call. we just got here but its really loud so i will ttyl! night
Mom: Be safe gods watching
Mom: and Santa too
Me: AHHHAHA ohhh momma! u were young once, u know what its like!
Mom: Just remember God can forgive your sins i can only ground u.

Posted on 02.22.2009 at 10:00 am// Tagged: , ,

Do Not Appear In Guys Gone Wild.

About Mexico for break. Just please be careful. Lots of dubious characters hang around spring breakers. Watch your drink, do NOT leave a bar with anyone but who you came with, and do no appear in Guys Gone Wild.

Do not use, buy or travel with any drugs of ANY kind. They do not treat young Americans well in their jails. I will not be spending any money to bail you out.

Other than that, have fun and do not be stupid.

Love, Mo

Posted on 02.12.2009 at 10:00 am// Tagged: , ,

Adventures in Colonoscopy

Dad took me to lunch afterwards. All in all, the procedure itself was a breeze. I just wish that bitch with the needle had told me how much it would burn. They did warn me I might feel light headed after the IV meds kicked in, but that turned out to be a sensation I found surprisingly enjoyable. I bet my hiney was the cutest one all day.

Love you, Bumble! Don’t forget to call me after work.

Posted on 01.30.2009 at 11:30 am// Tagged: , ,

Grandma’s Requirements

Backstory: I sent my Grandma an article about how drinking can be good for seniors with a picture of a young looking 90 year old man.

Hey, happy “hung over” day(i’m sure for a lot of people)!!
Thanks for the motivational drinking article, and he looks younger than some 70 years old guys–where do I find one of the younger attitude males that can be clean, not whine too much, good sense of humor and of course $$$ ??
xoxo and mucho love, Gramma

Posted on 01.22.2009 at 1:30 pm// Tagged: , ,

A Very Merry Christmas From Momma

Backstory: So my mom sent me the same Christmas e-card… twice. She sent them both a few days apart.

Me: LOL
you already gave me one!
but thanks
Mom: oh well
you want to hear something funny?
‎‎Me: yes
Mom: I sent my your cousin and her husband two cards this year. I wrote almost the same note in both of them. Thats what I get for doing cards while being lightly intoxicated.
Me: HAHAHAA

Posted on 12.24.2008 at 2:00 pm// Tagged: ,

Get Some F*&8&#$ Manners!

You know I love you very much and am truly proud of the emerging adults you have become. This email is of a serious nature, and I hope you will take it as such. At the end of 60 Minutes, Andy Rooney gives a little commentary on whatever strikes his fancy. This particular evening it was about the use of expletives (dirty words, he whispered) that  profligates our culture. His point of view is that it is plain old bad manners.  It is disrespectful to those who hear it and it reflects badly on the person who uses it. Though I am guilty of this rarely, (though Dad will say otherwise) it pains me that you two lovely people have such bad manners. You two are both adults, and this language is nothing to be proud of. Perhaps, you could start a new movement and be in the forefront of speaking in a manner that would reflect well on your. Looking into the future, there is nothing cute about hearing a 3 year old say the f word or s word.  I too will clean up my act, so to speak. I love y
 ou, MOM

Posted on 12.16.2008 at 1:00 pm// Tagged: , , , ,

Slang Help Needed

Q:  Have you ever heard the expression; “wake & bake”?  What does it mean?

Mom

Posted on 12.09.2008 at 2:38 pm// Tagged: ,

Remember you’re a Child of God.

Have fun in Argentina this weekend. Make good decisions. Remember you’re a Child of God. Please be safe. Oh, and don’t take too many shots of tequila….

Posted on 12.02.2008 at 1:00 pm// Tagged: ,

Mom Hearts Sailors

Me: So I got kinda drunk last night.

Mom: Oh yea? What did it take you, one or two drinks?

Me: No, I can drink more now that I’m off that medicine.

Mom: Oh so you can drink like a sailor again?

Me: Yea

Mom: Well that’s good

Posted on 10.24.2008 at 1:00 pm// Tagged: , ,

Mom Might Be Boiled as an Owl

Mom: u ever heard of the phrase “boiled as an owl?”

Me: no…

Mom: there’s a guy in the online cribbage room here, so i googled the boiled thingy ’cause that was his user name

Mom: and it’s slang for REAL drunk lol

Mom: i got boiled as an owl last night!

Me: uh…really? you did? or is that just an example of how to use that phrase?

Mom: i was a good girl last night. as far as you know, anyways  ;)

Mom: google it. right now. BOILED AS AN OWL.

Me: uh, that’s ok, mom…i think i’ll trust you on that one

Mom: so…what’d u and ur man make for dinner last night?

Me: burgers fries and shakes

Mom: and a cold brewski?

Me: nooo…that’s for tonight lol

Me: i mean…i don’t drink! i’m not 21 yet ;)

Mom: well when u go home…ask him if he wants to get boiled as an owl tonight

Mom: DO IT. heeeeeeheheheheee

Me: …mom? are you ok?

Mom: BOILED AS AN OWL! it’s my new favorite phrase!!!!! :D

Me: i’m not talking to you anymore

Posted on 10.21.2008 at 9:03 am// Tagged: , ,

Beer’s in the Fridge

Backstory: All three children the e-mail was sent to no longer live at home and are of legal drinking age.

Children,

While cleaning the area under the garage I came across a disney backpack with six or so full bottles of michelob light beer bottles. I have the chilling in the fridge now.
love
mom

Posted on 09.29.2008 at 4:12 pm// Tagged: ,

A “Bong”

Do you know what a “bong” is?  I’m reading a police report that came in and have no idea what that is.

Posted on 09.23.2008 at 10:30 am// Tagged: ,

When Mom Works With High Schoolers

Mom: she [the boss] sent him home yesterday. he got off probation on wed so he smoked the W and was puking his guts up all over the street

Me:  umm get out

Mom:  well he is a VERY bad boy
even thought he keeps telling me he’s a man I keep telling him then he needs to start acting like one

Posted on 09.22.2008 at 11:22 am// Tagged: , ,

Stay fearless!

I have no problem with your language.  In fact I am quite elated to know that you are such an invovled and thoughtful person.  You will never need my approval to speak your mind.  No matter what your mind thinks.  i love your energy!  Stay fearless!

Posted on 09.09.2008 at 3:00 pm// Tagged: ,


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Love, Mom