Cold Turkey

Backstory: My brother John is a chef and frequently admonishes my mother about the dangers of bacterial spread in food left out on the counter.

I just made the most delicious enchiladas I’ve  ever eaten!
Ground turkey with seasonings, enchilada sauce,  black beans, white corn, vegetarian refried beans, a sprinkle of cheddar, and sauteed red and green jalapenos, in a whole wheat tortilla with lettuce…….heavenly!!!

However if daddy and I die from eating them (ground turkey thawed on the counter ALL DAY) please give John permission to speak at my funeral and say that he told me SO.

Stay Out of the Hot Tub

Backstory: Mom was advising me not to go anywhere near my apartment complex’s hot-tub.  I had asked if she thought they spread diseases.

Probably not… but I wouldn’t take the chance in a “public” one!!  yuck!  Think about everyone’s “warm” body stuff flaking off into the water!! Ewwwwwwwww!!

Olympic-Sized Warning

Honey, be careful during the olympics, there’s going to be so many extra people and probably lots more rapists. And you’re a perfect target for a rapist because you’re cute and small. You’re really easy to carry off because you’re practically pocket sized. So just look ugly when you go out. Wear your hair in a pony tail or something.

How to Cross the Street

Please be careful on the streets of Toronto, too many accidents lately. Remember to cross at the crosswalks, preferably with a group of fat people on either side of you.

Beware the Killer Pancakes

Just concerned, that’s all.  Make sure you wash your hands often to keep the flu away.  The hand sanitizers arent as affective as people think.  Soap and water still best.
Also, never use any outdated Bisquick mixes or cake mixes or anything like that. The yeast in them goes bad and creates a deadly bacteria.
OK I’m done.
Love you

Young woman should not drive long distance on highway alone!

Backstory: I e-mailed my mom to tell her I’d be driving 4.5 hours alone to another state because my boyfriend can’t go anymore. I’m 24.

we’ll buy you a plane ticket!
I gotta get off the computer!
Oh no!
panic attack
young woman should not drive long distance on highway alone!
alert alert!
danger danger!
buddy! paqrtner!
call [dad]!
[dad] will hep!
danger danger
alert alert!

No Bam-Bam Allowed

Thanks for the info.  I particularly like the “luxury coach with a bathroom” – yippee!!
Call me before you leave if you get a chance – if not I’ll check in with you over the weekend.
This sounds like so much fun.
Now the mother-announcement again – have fun, be careful, no going off with the natives, stay with people from the group, no bam-bam, probably only bottled water and bring pepto-bismol tablets!!!

love you – mom

Bachelorette Extravaganza Warning

Backstory: I’m heading to Coronado, CA for my bachelorette party.

Promise me you girls won’t cross the border to Tijuana, Mexico as part of your “Bachelorette Extravaganza”!  Don’t even think about trying to sneak across, cause if you go and you end up dead, I’ll know you went and then Ann Currie will be interviewing me on the “Today Show” and there will be a “Dateline Special” about the bride-to-be who didn’t do this one last thing that her mother asked of her and, consequently, she and her sistafriend and all of her bridesmaids….well, you know.

Swine Flu Advice

Buy some face masks at a pharmacy NOW before they run out.
In Mexico, the masks are being issued to people.

Possibly Paranoid China Travel Advice

Backstory: I am a student going to China for a week; in preparation for the trip, my mom sent periodic instructions about what to do and not to do, which included eating only “candy bars, American candy bars.” Also, I am 28.

While in China:
Don’t drink the water!
Don’t eat the food!
Don’t talk to strangers!
Don’t get near any birds!
But have a good time.

Vigilance in These Economic Times

I was just “chatting” with the credit card co. about something other than fraud, and the credit card lady told me to
WATCH OUT!!! The wallet and Purse thieves are out in full force due to the bad economy. She told me that the calls for stolen card (wallets) has escalated in the past few weeks, Turn around and it is GONE, so be vigilent! and carry only what you really need in your wallet!
Also phone calls trying to get the card numbers.
Love from your ever watchful M

Bird Attack

That is very strange.  Do you think the bird’s building a nest and wants hair?  What kind of bird is it and did it draw blood?

Do you call Animal Control for something like that? It’s kind of Hitchcockian.  Do not throw the Coach bag at him. Better to be maimed and sent to the ER.  Be careful in those mean streets!

Love, Mom