Backstory: My mom recently discovered the wonders of underarm waxing, and has been trying to get me to let her wax mine for me — I refuse.

chicken! I made your dad do mine this morning. It’s an “exchange of services.” I wash his underwear, and he waxes my armpits.

I HAD THE STRANGEST DREAM LAST NIGHT, I DREAMED I WAS IN EUROPE AT A SPA WITH MADONNA AND WE WERE HANGING OUT LIKE WE WERE BFF’S. ANYWAY BEFORE YOU COULD GO THRU THE SPA YOU HAD TO HAVE ALL YOUR BODY HAIR REMOVED BY THESE LITTLE BOYS. SO I WASN’T HAVING ANY OF IT. IT WAS SO WEIRD. AND THESE PEOPLE DIDN’T SEEM TO KNOW WHO MADONNA WAS SO WE STARTED SINGING “LIKE A VIRGIN.” AND THEN MY ALARM WENT OFF.