I thought I would send an e.mail so you don’t think I have abandoned you.  I spent considerable time on the phone to your sister last night and was quite wrung out by the experience!  I had no energy to phone anyone else.  Our family don’t seem to be cutting the mustard regarding the wedding. Oh dearie me.  It is all starting to feel a bit stressful.  I am going to phone your sister’s future inlaws tonight to see how they are feeling.
Have you had your trousers turned up yet or do I need to bring my sewing kit?
What are we all going to discuss when the great event is over?
I hope you have stopped smoking and are keeping the bathroom clean

Lol Mum xx

To mail back the RSVP card.  The bride might need to tell a caterer at least two weeks ahead of time how many people to make food for.

I thought you read bridal magazines.  Maybe not.

Mom

Backstory: while on a recent business trip to Baton Rouge my mom emailed me an engagement announcement she saw of someone I used to know….

Why, you may well ask, was I reading the wedding announcements in the NY Times?  Don’t panic, I haven’t completely lost it and I’m NOT turning into a Jewish mother who will continually remind you of all the people  you know who are getting married.  As I said, it was a long trip, so I had an opportunity to read nearly the entire newspaper (after I finished the crossword), and I found that the wedding announcements are a hoot–even better than the personals in City Pages!

I just talked to Grandma and your aunt’s wedding is going to be the 6th of December.  She asked if she could send your invitation here and I told her that if she wanted YOU to get it, she should mail it to YOU.  Novel idea?  Anyway, the best part of the conversation came later when she told me that your aunt had found her dress and it is beautiful but your aunt is worried that because the dress is ivory, people will think she’s not a virgin.  Are you kidding me?  She’s 41 years old.  I’d be wearing flaming scarlet so no one would think I was a virgin, especially if I were.  I didn’t think there was such a thing as a real forty year old virgin.  I thought even nuns had had an adventure or two by that age!  Geez!  At least I’m not related to them by blood.

L,

M

So, Jenny said Sarah’s friend wants to have a shower at the house. For $350 they’re having a pole dancer teach everyone how to pole dance! Now imagine your 60 yr old Mom pole dancing:) I couldn’t make up this stuff! I have pay for a Pole dance instructor! She said Jon’s daughter wanted to go but couldn’t because of her relatives,(The Bible beaters) She said they are having trouble because he wants her to cook dinner instead of going out every night. I think he wants a housekeeper and she wants a bank :) They deserve each other. Look for a flask because the booze sit. for the wedding is NONE! Life is stranger than fiction! Take care and try not to be such a Preppy Popular B*tch at work!:) Loveya, Mom

I hope something wonderful happens to you today. I really do. Oh, and Tara and Brooke both just got engaged. Boy, are you OLD!!!!!! You’d better get pregnant by Thursday.

Luv ya
MA
_____

Hi – Sunday night was so nice – thanks again.

Just wondering if you are planning a haircut as we discussed.  If so, you might just want them to kind of clean up the sides and back and leave the top alone – it looked really good on Sunday!  Just a suggestion.

I love your new glasses!

Don’t forget to bring sunglasses and your shoes.

See you tomorrow.

The crazy weddding Mom!

The wedding and reception are at a country club.  It is a sit down dinner.  So I would say yes, it is fancy, schmancy.  You don’t have to have a hat but M and I have delicate skin and we don’t want to burn.  Plus how many opportunities does one have to wear a hat.  I will have an extra black hat since I bought 3 so if you have an outfit that would support a black hat you can borrow one.  However, if you copy us you might have to sit a few seats over so we don’t look like the Macbeth triplets.