Don’t Worry, I Told Your Ex You’re on Weight Watchers Now

Backstory: My mother recently ran into a guy I dated briefly……

Mom: I saw Fred last night. He’s doing well. I told him you’re doing great. And that you’re on Weight Watchers now.
Me: You told him THAT????
Mom:……yeah….was that bad?

Diet Foiled by Autocorrect

Going on major diet tomorrow. Guess what?? Was typing tomorrow and left off the “t” and didn’t get the “m” in and it autocorrected to Oreos!! Woohoo! I am not joking

My Body Should Ask Permission First

Mom: I’ve been noticing lately that I am having to pull up my pants more.  This means one thing, my butt is starting to sag!  Me no happy about that!!!!!!
Me: hahahaha OR you’ve lost some weight… jeez!!
Mom: I don’t think I have lost weight.  My body is just rearranging itself without asking me first!

Engagement Shoes

Backstory: This is the first email I received from my parents after I told them I was engaged. My mom does not use the computer so my dad sends the emails on her behalf…

Mom wants to know what your shoe size is.  She wants to get you a special pair of shoes that help you to lose wt.

Love, Dad

Facing Some Hard Wii Fit Facts

I’m fat.

The Wii says I gained 2.5 pounds in the last 3 weeks and that I should lose 12 pounds to be healthy! I bought myself a pair of jeans from Penney’s like the ones you have. I have a muffin top in them. Yuck!!!!!!

I’m going to go buy an exercise bike this weekend. Maybe if it’s staring at me every day I’ll use it

Maybe the Camera Adds 10 Pounds?

me: started the hair trials for the wedding, here is a pic of the first one.

mom: Sweet…kinda… R u putting on a little weight or is the hairstyle doing that????

cake thighs cake thighs cake thighs

Backstory: This was my mom’s R.S.V.P to my wedding. T is my step-dad and R is my brother.

Hello honey,
Here is our dinner choices for the big event.
2 garlic shrimp (T and R)
1 chicken for me.
I also am requesting an end piece of cake, one with lots of frosting. Otherwise you will see me hitting the cake table a few times and that would not agree with my thighs. Oh well lets see– cake thighs cake thighs cake thighs cake cake cake cake! Cake wins (it always wins). I’m so excited I can hardly contain myself. (about the wedding not the cake) ……….cake wedding cake wedding cake ………lets not go there I’m just really excited!
love mom p.s.(I’m really excited for the wedding)

That Whale of a Baby

Me: Did you see that 19 pound whale of a baby in the news?
Mom: you were almost that big.
Me: No, no i wasn’t
Mom: You were 10.6, thats almost that 11
Me: The difference being an entire baby’s weight!
Mom: I lied and told everyone that you were a beautiful 9 pounds even on your birth announcements…
Me: I don’t even know where to begin…
Mom: I know, call me an over achiever. I wonder why you aren’t taller? They told me you would be so tall.
Me: sorry to dissappoint you.

Big Butt Karma

Backstory: My mother apparently ran into someone who was rather unfriendly to me in High School.  Karma I guess.

I wanted to tell you last nite, but Dad was on the phone and he would have gotten mad.  But we saw M[high school acquaintance] at the old Albert’s. And she has gained a lot of wait, her butt is big.  I shouldn’t be this way, but it shocked me.

Facebook Photos Never Lie

I am very concerned about your health. I am worried that you are not eating properly. Your facebook picture shows you looking very thin. How much do you weigh?
Is it below 140? If I put money in your Emory eagle account will you go eat breakfast?
Are you eating any fresh fruit? Can you go to the grocery and buy a bag of oranges or apples? If this swine flu comes to atlanta, you need to be healthy enough to fight it,and that means you need a strong immunity system, which you can’t have if you aren’t eating healthy.

I am very worried.


On Her Way To Being A Calf

Well, just got back from the gym….I now know for sure that I am a cow. I
weigh 129!!!! NEVER before unless pregnant have I been this fat. Well, I guess you have to hit bottom before you go up. I hurt, but its a good hurt and I won’t stop. I have a training lady and she is helping too. I also think it will make me feel better, I can get out some of my frustrations on the machine. So, your mom is on her way to being a calf

Love you lots, MOM THE COW

P.S. I just talked to your dad and told him he’s not allowed to talk with any skinny bitches at work. hahaha.

Weight Watchers coach

my weight watcher coach lauri is fabulous and she has lost about 86 pounds.  she was fat all her life and she is a perfect 6 now!!! …xxoo

Love, Mom