Leonardo DiCaprio is a hermaphrodite. He just looks like one of those children that could have gone either way.

Hello Sweetness,

Had a good sleep, woke up a bit early.

Had an interesting dream of flooding, electrical outages and race riots where you and I were staying at a B&B on some island owned and run by Joy Bayhart (the loud one on The View). I took over cooking, although her freezers were primarily packed with salami.

XOXO
Mom

Hi Darling.  Michael Phelps shaves his pits.
M

Surprise, I am writing you an email.

I NEED HELP AND SOON, BEFORE I STARVE TO DEATH !!!!

I am guessing that you are wondering how come I’m doing this — it’s just because I am locked into my computer room and cannot get out.  I was trying to put a door knob on the door and got started, but the thing went completely closed as I was trying to see if it was going to fit — and now here I am having to stoop so low as to write an email to you to see if you could call someone to come get me out.  My phones, of course, are all in the other room. I thought that perhaps you could call Beverly and have her and Howie come over and get me out.  If you happen to have Tami’s number then call her.

Anyhow, can you get me out of here.  I guess I’ll just play games on the computer until someone lets me out of here.  Send me an email to let me know you are doing this for me.

Hi Jim!   I thought I’d get details about Katie today.   Wrong.   Barbara didn’t say a thing.   She doesn’t know that we know.     And Roberta said Tommy is back at Christine’s.   Again.   Your Uncle Cappy had a little accident chopping wood today.  [Again}     He  cut off a big chunk of his thumb.   Sandy  followed the ambulance to the hospital and hit a Fed-Ex truck and totalled her car.   That’s not all.   She suffered bruises to her heart, and is in the hospital.   Cappy was released.   He’s home, with Emily and baby of course.   We’ll know more tomorrow.   Say a prayer for all of them.     Love, Mom  xoxoxoxoxo

I locked myself out again last night and your brother was at work.  It was 8:30 pm.  I had to tear the screen out of John’s small window and somehow hoist myself into the house.  My arms were badly scratched and bleeding and my upper legs are black and blue.  It was hard to climb into the window as it was very high and nothing outside to stand on.  I hate his door locks.

Jeff and Becky are on the way to Kentucky. Suzy’s water broke and she is in labor. The baby was not due until June 14. Jeff is so hoping this is a good sign. Suzy had slept with her ex-husband 3 weeks before the one night stand with Jeff and since the baby is coming earlier than originally predicted Jeff is hoping this means it is not his child. Becky will keep me posted. Suzy’s ex does not even know she is in labor. He does know that she is pregnant and would like the child to be his. Suzy, however, wants it to be Jeff’s and wants Jeff there for the birth. Becky says it takes 5 days for the DNA results to come back but she feels like if this is Jeff’s baby she will know the minute she sees it. The dominant eye brows that Jeff and Vicky have seem to be a dominate gene carried in the family and she feels like the baby will have some characteristics of Jeff if in fact it is his son.