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Backstory: I posted a video of my mom trying (unsuccessfully) to do an underwater flip. She didn’t know about it for the longest time and then…
Mom: Why in God’s name did you put me on youtube? I’m so embarrassed!
Me: No one will know who you are…. Unless they know your butt reaaallllyyy well….
Mom: Well all the men who ogle my booty while I’m grocery shopping are going to recognize me right away. I’ll own it.
Backstory: I’m the lead singer in a rock band and a video of one our performances ended up on youtube.
I just watched the new video and the performance was great. However, is there anything I can do to stop you from wrapping the cord around your neck? The show will not suffer if you don’t do it. I cannot believe it’s worth the risk of tripping and falling, of it getting stuck and tightening, of a fan thinking it would be funny to grab it – you catch my drift. None of that is even related to the main reason not to do it. The kid in Worcester (who had just signed with a label was getting ready to tour) died because “The pressure caused a clot in his jugular vein that and stopped oxygen from flowing to his brain. He appeared fine immediately after the performance, but later felt dizzy and had a lack of sensation in his legs. He died the following day at Boston Medical Center.” You wouldn’t even know it was a problem until it is too late.
So I am begging you, please don’t do it anymore. Maybe to give you old mom this little bit of peace of mind you’ll consider it?
mom: ok, did you not LOVE the scottish woman singer that kicked condescending Simon’s A???
me: what?
mom: that was one of the sweetest stories i have ever heard. it is on u tube too
me: I think pebbles has been doing her hair
mom: no one has been doing her hair
mom: she needs glenna to do her eyebrows. but no doubt she is already getting the makeovers!
me: for a second there I thought you had started watching American Idol, I would be disappointed…
mom: oh come on, you know better.
me: well you have been watching Oprah!
mom: well, that is only because it proceeds the news, and she does have some good topics some days. someone has to tell me about menopuse
freudian typo
mom: y do i luv hey there delilah so much? i luv it!
me: haha..what are you listening to?
mom: i found the music video on u-tube. i can’t stop watching it. he’s ugly but the song is so sweet & sincere its making me cry WTF?!
me: not only are you a year late but you’re nuts.
mom: LMAO! I know!
maybe he is not THAT ugly, just has a big nose like ur jim from the office. i want someone 2 write me a song!
Backstory: I sent my mom a particularly entertaining YouTube video involving a choir of singing potatoes. She was either inspired by the Budweiser ‘Swear Jar’ commercial I also sent along, or she was *very* concerned I wasn’t taking medical school very seriously…
Child, stop watching f***ing youtubes and get the h*** back to work!! What the s*** do you think you’re doing? Are you going to be a f***ing potato doctor??? Love,
Your G**D*** Mother
